Dear Keepers of Sanity and Tiny Demons Humans,
I’m currently experiencing the toddler-won’t-listen-unless-threatened stage of parenting. It’s not great. Have you been there?
I hate to resort to the “then you’re getting a time out” threat, but it’s literally the only thing that is “working” right now. I say “working” in quotations because it doesn’t feel like it’s working, it feels like I’m playing the power card, the do-what-I-tell-you-or-else card, and I don’t like that. Hell, I don’t even like the idea of “time out,” but I don’t know what else to do.
I ask him to do something 3, 4, 5, sometimes 10 freaking times – all reasonable, age-appropriate requests, by the way – like, “please go potty” or “please clean up the food you threw onto the floor” or “please come get your coat on” or “please stop shining the flashlight in my eyes” or, or, or… and when he repeatedly doesn’t listen, it’s not long until my request morphs into an if/then statement, of which the last portion is always the same. If you can’t sit on the couch, then you’re getting a time-out. If you don’t clean up your toys, then you’re getting a time-out. If you don’t do X, Y, or Z, then you’re…
If someone could please tell me how to help my toddler listen without dropping a time-out threat every two seconds, that’d be great.
I wish that were all. I’m also experiencing the ear-piercing screaming stage. Maybe I’ll start walking around the house with ear plugs all day. Perhaps we’ll become proficient in miming.
And then there’s the toddler-who-refuses-to-nap stage. Fine, fair enough. I’ve been waiting for this day. But how the hell do you make a toddler do quiet time? He won’t stay in his bedroom for more than two minutes at a time, and when I’ve tried quiet time on the couch, he wanders off to pick up a toy, pet the cat, or run away for the hell of it because he thinks it’s all fun and games. And then what am I supposed to do? If you won’t sit still for quiet then, then you’re… It really is a vicious cycle.
Yesterday’s I’m-not-going-to-nap-or-sit-still-for-quiet-time charade was so unnerving that I yanked a fast-acting THC + CBD gummy from the jar and nearly swallowed it whole, hoping the “fast-acting” part held up to its promise. Special thanks to one of my mama friends who recommended these little gummies to take the edge off the “push me off a cliff” vibe we so often feel as parents of toddlers.
Is 30 minutes of quiet time too much to ask from a three-year-old? Are a giant pile of books and his sketch pad not enough to keep him busy? What other activities could I offer that are restful, but aren’t just “playing with my usual toys from the couch.” Is it realistic to believe he’ll actually sit there the whole time? Is there an ancient incantation I can mutter? An elixir, perhaps? A magical powder I can sprinkle over his quiet space? Or just micro-dose gummies? Help!
Sincerely,
Just a Mom Who’s Losing Her Shit Over Here
Ok I have some thoughts. But I want to be VERY clear that I too have tiny demons and in NO way have this figured out! I just watch a lot of TikTok and I’m on the parenting algorithm. In terms of quiet time, my kids LOVE audiobooks. So I’m grateful that if I put stories on in their rooms they generally will play quietly and listen. So that would get me 45mins of quiet.
Listening….. what I think is true and what I KNOW I don’t have much energy to do, is that getting kids to listen right now is a very involved process. I’ve heard that we’re supposed to say “when…. Then…..” as opposed to “if… then…”. I also have seen advice like go up to the child, engage them and then say something like “wow, you have really been working hard on this Lego build. It’s time for us to take a break so we can have dinner, but we can come back to it later”… or something like that. I have also heard one that actually did seem to work pretty well the two days I had energy to try this. Which is you say “its time to go put your shoes on” and if they don’t do it, you go over to them and say “mommy said it’s time for us to go put our shoes on”… and then you’re supposed to go with them and help them do that.
But again…. A lot of these strategies require my full involvement. Which also means I apparently need to have no other things going on - like packing lunches or making breakfast or heaven for bid trying to get my own self ready for the day.
God speed my friend! Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart…. Or the impatient! Hahahahh
Sigh. Such a hard stage. Exhausting! One thing that helped me — and this may not be your choice — was getting other humans to entertain and teach my kid, aka pre-school. They have ways of helping kids learn to do things without a pitched battle…and you get a break from being the repetitive mean mom. Blessings in whatever you pick.